im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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