It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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