i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
We talked him into tasing himself.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I think people are normalizing furries
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
