i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
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