I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
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