we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
