im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
