My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
