yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
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