FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
