Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
