Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
