The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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