I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
