2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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