He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
