i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He did a backflip because drugs
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
