I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
