If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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