my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
