I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
