we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
