Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I am never drinking with the goths again.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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