don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You pole danced in your parka.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
