If i could tip my vagina, i would.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
