plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
