i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
