Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
