I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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