he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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