ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Randomize
