I am midnight drunk by noon
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
