We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
