I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
