how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
