What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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