Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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