Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Randomize
