yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
