why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
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