So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Houston, we have a blender
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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