You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
