had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
