i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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