I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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