I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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