I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
