you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
