I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
This toilet bowl is my home.
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