I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
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