We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
